Career Review
Richard Perkins- Career Review- Gaia University 2009
Aims and Objectives
The aim of this essay is to acknowledge and review learning pathways up to this point. By taking time to reflect and acknowledge what has been achieved and realized thus far, an opportunity arises to focus and accelerate learning by articulating current needs and desires, identifying how these can be met, and investigating how to expand various foundations and skill bases that already exist by applying modelling.
To do this I shall explore key experiences in my learning pathways before I utilized action learning models by identifying what went well, and what was challenging as a narrative prose. I shall expand upon prominent kairos moments and then look more closely at the transition to the last few years of conscious pathway choices, before using the four quadrants model of Ken Wilber to identify potentially fertile edges for growth.
Life before Conscious Action Learning Pathways; What went well and what was challenging
I was raised in a sleepy village in rural Wiltshire, U.K. My upbringing was incredibly valuable and healthy on many levels. I was introduced to nature with a feeling of reverence that was instilled deeply into my being. I was taught stringently to respect the natural world around me, to think about my actions and not simply follow common societal trends. I was allowed a certain space to engage with visualization and imagination both through encouragement to play outdoors and consistent time spent with the family immersed in nature. It was often in silence that, upon reflection, I was gifted the time and space to observe and assess the world with no distracting ideas imposed upon my experience. I learnt to work through possible explanations with my own logic before enquiring after another reference. I learnt that I could solve complex problems simply by giving them clear non- judgemental attention.
Our family home had no media inlets besides a wholesome book collection, and later in my life I engaged with radio. My mother cooked wholesome food and together with my father they maintained a high level of commitment to their ideals. I was instilled with a sense of my ability, a confidence that I could achieve anything I turned my attention to. I remember a fairly consistent feeling of forcefulness was used by my parents to maintain these parameters as I was keen to find a sense of unity with my peers, and often felt deeply separated through the relative incongruency in expressed values I experienced with them. I was not allowed to socialize extensively well into secondary school, and I often had a nervous relationship with my peers and struggled to anchor relationships. I reacted rebeliously if I felt my agency was constrained.
I found it incredibly challenging at times to be raised so differently to the mainstream ideology of the time. Inwardly I was exhilirated and proud of my ability. However, I became very self- conscious, and developed judgemental and critical attitudes as defensive strategies, which have caused distress in different ways even to this day. I also found it challenging to have such a weak sense of voice, (or perhaps met with little flexibility), by my parents. It made me question their intentions and I found it harder to trust them. Experiencing this in the context of an archetypal relationship rather unconsciously has had strong repercussions in forming subsequent relationships.
I attended a small village primary school and went on to a small comprehensive secondary. I excelled across the subjects and found I was at least competent in anything I put my mind to. I had few teachers who were able to stimulate me beyond the scope of where the class was at. I generally responded with unconscious compliance, and amused myself with visioning future projects. A need to be accepted by my peers was always in tension with the isolating feeling of being “brighter” than the group. I felt pained and helpless at recurring intervals of these years, and that caused my ego to start shaping itself to numb the larger pain, that of segregation and lack of connection. I found it challenging to really express anything from the heart at times my ego just wanted to fit in, and I spent a lot of time observing and trying to act congruently with the peers I respected or objectified. I found myself oftentimes constrained or restricted by reductionist thinking, or the limits of my teachers knowledge. I felt unsupported on a personal learning journey, and was not challenged sufficiently to really feel satisfactorily engaged. My learning was rapid when teachers engaged with me more directly and guided or challenged my thinking.
In early years of employment I often lacked stimulation and felt disempowered by the situations I put myself into. I lacked the creativity, resources and drive to change that situation for several years and worked in jobs that created dissatisfaction and stress. I did, however, learn a wide array of hands on skills and gained confidence in my abilities to use my initiative.
It was around this time that I first got involved in my first deep relationship, with Becca, which served as support both directly, and soon through Her family, that I had not known before. Becca has an amazing ability to touch the depth of pain in a supportive gentle way, and Her love was sweet balm to me. Her parents were both supportive and compassionate and Row has been a continuing mentor and model until the present day, (and in fact is supporting me in taking this course). I have spent a large portion of my life to date in relationships since this time, and combined with various key friendships these have served, at times, as mentoring and support on multiple levels, (often with clear family role substitutions, which has been interesting and acknowledged).
I also started travelling, both around the country and internationally. I had no intentions in mind other than to experience the world through the eyes of others. I desired an understanding of what life was like for societies less "developed" than my own. I often put myself in naive and foolish situations in my teenage travels. I was experiencing so much and on so many levels from the people I met, the things I came into contact with and the spaciousness that existed outside of life in England. I could not clearly depict what I was learning, but I knew I was having very rich experiences and had little desire to immerse myself in higher education in England. I was feeling clear that I learnt more in several fertile months of the year than schooling had ever taught me.
I was also introduced to Theravada Buddhism, and began a meditation practice that fueled an interest in meta- physical studies. I developed a new reality framework and learning pathway around studies into Therevada Tradition meditation, Reiki and Tai Chi.
I am grateful for so much in my early life, for I feel I walked in so many different shoes, within so many different circles. There is so much I could write about, and my learning has had such rich and self- perpetuating edges.
A Healing Crisis; Identifying the need for Unlearning
The pain and dis- ease of lack of authentic connection with my family and often my peers led to a radical rebellion and paradigm shift in my early teenage years. I began awakening to the idea that I could make choices, I could step outside the shell my parents had created and could even change my direction. This radical, confusing, explosive, but eventually empowering process resembled taking the cork out of a bottle that has been well shaken. Coupled with unconscious levels of unacknowledged and unresolved pain the results were intense.
This led to me leaving home at a young age, feeling very tender and vulnerable, yet having to mask that to feel strong enough to survive. I lived with travellers and gipsy`s, which both gave me a radically new window through which to view the world, and a new mentor, Mick, who took a fatherly role in my life at that time. I learnt many gipsy skills and felt inspired and alive with a sense of freedom I had not known before.
For several years I was consumed by patterns of heavy drug use and addiction. This had all kinds of extraordinary effects on my life, both positive and negative, and on many levels. I became self- centered and selfish at a time when it actually served to bring me back to how I felt, having diluted myself into others perspectives for some time. I had none of the limits of others` thinking, perceptions or judgments clouding my visions. It was so exhilarating that I got lost for a long time. It was a dual edged sword. I released, I learnt and I followed whatever took my interest. I had an incredible array of amazing experiences that I could not relate in words. I equally suffered; I harboured gross delusions, oppressed fears, lacked clarity and had little care or respect for myself or others at times. I suffered deeply in many ways during this process. My learning was often stacked with powerful insight and quite literally mind- shattering visions, yet lacked the structured framework for cohesive integration and comprehension.
Some of the friends I shared this part of my life with were very important. I had mentoring from various elder figures in a variety of places and this helped keep me together in times when I was feeling very fragile and unsure and isolated through lack of connection to my family. My friend Jimbo was particularly important during my transformation in terms of support and joint immersion into nature. Another friend Jim, who has since died, was a solid base for me for a long period up to His death, also sharing the nature connection. The times we spent with each other and various extended friend networks was healing and spacious. A lot of honest acknowledgement took place and I began to face up to dark areas inside.
What is key to take from this part of my life is that I came out the other side feeling radically transformed in regards to my ideas, possibilities, visions and desires. I felt like I had pressed a Reset button. Whilst creating some new traumas to heal (I now see the dangers of unconscious shifts) I also managed to shatter many restraints, effectively rebuilding the foundation of my life. I had passion, determination, experience and empathy with all kinds of things that I simply did not have the capacity for before that time. For all the negative aspects and confusions that entailed, I had developed a meta lens with which I could view the world in a much more integrative manner, and felt some comfort toward my role within it.
Particularly relevant and poignant in this moment of writing is the poem by W. H. Auden that a friend introduced me to;
“What need we teach a child with our books and rules? Let Him walk among the hills and flowers, let Him gaze upon deep waters, let Him look up to the stars, and He will have his wisdom”
It was with this attitude in mind that I emerged from this period and reconnected with my inner child and the wholesome values that remained at my core and began taking control of my life.
A Model shift; Moving to a place of more conscious (Un) learning
“An ever increasing focus in an ever widening sphere of interests”
A major transition occurred in my learning process upon taking a PDC when I began integrating the use of design methodologies, which have been fundamental to an ever increasing focus in an ever widening sphere of personal interests. This represents the last few years working method since taking a Permaculture Design Course and a “response – ability” attitude towards my life. It was at the initial PDC that I encountered three elders, who were particularly relevant in my shift to consciously designing and implementing visions. Rod Everitt and Mill Millichap, my PDC teachers, whose wealth of knowledge and commitment to life- long learning and the dissemination of it touched me in a way I had not experienced from a mentor before. Kieron Corr, who was also a student, but introduced us to Shamanic journeying in the Celtic tradition during the course. This, and subsequent work with my partner Romy at the time changed a lot in how I related to the world around me.
Here the shift to more conscious decision making and self- regulation quickly started to filter through to different areas of life. For example, a consciously designed shift to self- employment with multi- income streams based on the ethic of Right Livelihood allowed a greater degree of control over levels of income, positive effects for the customer/ community/ world at large and personal considerations such as time, effort and other interests.
In terms of relationships, a transition to more integrative and “care- full” models and worldviews, including non- violent communication and community building skills work illustrates a progression that takes full responsibility for personal (inter)actions and models a living example of action learning due to the complex and diverse multi- edge factors involved. I started nurturing the connections that felt healthy and supportive, and trying to bring that into new interactions. There have been some key figures in the last few years. Romy who was my partner for five years, was a huge transformative force in my life. Our relationship taught me how rich and all- quadrant a partnership can be in terms of development, and I owe so much to our time walking together.
I feel a lot of gratitude to Alfred who has shown so much trust and belief in my path, has endlessly shared His imaginative visions, heard mine, and is supporting me hugely in this current learning pathway. My dear friend Mischa has been like a mirror the last few years, and has been part of so much healing and growth. His commitment to His truth has guided me consistently. In terms of male friends, this relationship has brought new levels of understanding in desires and wishes relating to connection. There have been countless beautiful and fruitful connections, and the key learning revolves around remaining present and fearless in my truth.
In education, a shift to self- directed/ managed studies allows conscious pathway directing within a productive framework, whilst creating room or natural expansion and edge growth to extend learning into ever more diverse fields. I have studied horticulture, sociology and permaculture as self structured courses, as well as many skill- flexes and keeping up with various academic fields. I can reflect that my drive and productivity are vast if I feel interested and free to follow my inclinations, and particularly if I feel supported.
More recently there has been a personal shift to a more collaborative or co- creational level of thinking where upon seeing the needs, skills and talents of others there has been an increased interest and curiosity towards that person or opportunity. Replacing predominantly solo habits with more collaborative and communal thinking has been a deep challenge to both the ego and mental conditioning patterned by previous encounters with educational structures and ingrained social values. This has been particularly relevant in social life and relationships, due to imbalances that arise through conditioning and habit, e.g. power, dominance and lack of spaciousness. (In intimate relationships this has manifested in pain and neglect that could be avoided by more direct application of conscious feedback models/ processes, such as non- violent communication models or an action learning spiral/ clear goals articulation)
The fact that these solutions are more common, or perhaps more naturalized personal experiences, reflects a satisfying response to original doubts, disillusions and problems distilled over a long period of life before clear frameworks for addressing such issues had presented themselves. A naturalized position of turning personal problems to solutions represents the embodiment of positive solution based strategies, and consequently empowers further efforts. In regards to learning, just taking careful and skillful action usually results in an exponential growth.
As personal experience and niche skills and education grow, a move towards teaching others more formally has come about. This benefits a more holistic sense of community, provides another edge for personal learning, whilst highlighting particular areas of expansion, e.g., communication skills and practices. The integration of teaching linked to working edges for personal learning has developed through considering the value of relative personal knowledge and experience in my current residence in Thailand. By integrating holistic income needs, a desire to improve communication skills combined with consolidating existing knowledge, teaching PDC`s has evolved as an example of multi- functional solution.
My living situation has revolved around low impact living through communal housing, living in narrowboats/ trees/ yurts and a van. These experiences have fostered competence in a wide range of skills and knowledge flexes that filter into every aspect of my life. This has all culminated in a transition to living in intentional community. I now live and work managing the Panya Project, a sustainability/ permaculture education site in the north of Thailand.
Taking Stock, Celebrating inherent skills and capacities
Regenerative Design Practical Skill Flexes; I have qualifications in Organic Horticulture and Crop Production and a Diploma in Applied Permaculture design. Over the last few years I have worked on/ managed aspects of food production on organic farms. I have worked on and set up various community based and personal projects. I have lived in different community settings and have built a variety of things, from water systems to houses. I have experience in sustainable food systems, wild crafting, preserving food, natural building, alternative and appropriate energy systems, water systems and purification. I feel committed to life- long learning in this area especially.
Regenerative Design Skills; I have taken a PDC, sat in others and have taught two. I also completed a Diploma in Applied Permaculture Design which means I went through conscious design cycles many times and have internalized this process in a way that feels easy and efficient. I also have experience in designing and building low impact housing. Having moved into teaching I feel both a heightened fluency and need for more advanced and technical skills. I also use and value these processes in internal development, as a linking discipline and efficiency tool.
Creative Response- Ability; My academic abilities have been both extended and challenged by the new models of thinking and processing I have encountered in the last few years. I am also currently acknowledging a kairos moment where new models and advanced ideas are in the periphery and am looking forward to really engaging with those in this work. I feel flexible and able to let go of old thinking to make space for more expansive visions.
Trusting the heart; The power of the transition period I went through instilled an inner conviction that allows me to go out into more conventional spheres and stay true to my beliefs, and sometimes bring light where there is darkness. It feels important for the outreach work that is central to shifting collective conscious. This quality was incubated and is empowered by time spent with other people holding their truth.
Presence and Awareness; Years of Meditation practice and a variety of other internal practices have developed my ability to remain focused and engaged in different situations. I have grown strong observational skills and watched my mental abilities speed up through the refining and clearing qualities of my inner practices. This has helped me connect to what I am feeling, and see into other peoples experience.
Nature Awareness; More specifically, the development outlined above has been part of integrating the observations and insights gained from long periods alone in nature. This has been a huge part of my overall learning; both how things function and connect, and a distillation of the experience of the laws that govern this Kosmos. I have been humbled and empowered and have a living reference and reflection library more vast than any other source. This forms the foundation of my spiritual experience and informs all my work.
Conscious streaming and Reflection; After taking the Artists Way, a powerful self guided internal creativity course, my ability to conscious stream and later reflect and identify patterns has grown. I find this an incredibly useful way to create a journal as it negates or reduces any intrusive subjective interpretation that may block a truthful experience. On a more formal level, documenting my work and making it accessible to others feels useful.
Creating (And learning to Hold) Space; I have often taken a role in various relationships where I create space for releasing distress. I have been working on this in the community setting I currently live in, consciously designing models and strategies for integral holistic management. I am acutely aware of the lack of young people skilled in this area, and feel a little helpless in regards to the lack of mentors modeling this. I am very keen to develop these skills and collaborate in this process.
Contributing and sharing surplus; I have had a yearning to create the visions I have / share with others since leaving home. I feel willing to use my life for experimenting and working for the good of others. This manifests in the ethics I live by and where I devote my energies and time. I am constantly working on being available and flexible for contribution, which feels particularly relevant in community.
Leadership and Collaborating; Setting up projects during the Diploma and teaching yurt building and PDC`s/ Natural building has developed some aspects of leadership and sharing this process. Working within the community at Panya and designing systems.
Here are some of my acquired skills represented on the Quadrant model;
Points to focus on
It is also worth noting here that the lower left and upper right quadrants on the diagram above are comparatively lacking in substance, and it would make sense to concentrate development in these areas to achieve a more balanced and integrative position.
The aspects of my character I have greatest discomfort with seem to generally arise from two main spaces. These are deeply engrained habitual patterns born from unconscious defence mechanisms. These are; criticism born of lack of trust and judgment resulting from pain caused in relation to experience of family/ close friends. These are patterns of repetition that I am aware of but still impact negatively in my communication.
The other challenging aspect at this point is collaborative work where I find my ego often disrupts a genuine connection and appreciation of what is being offered and the potential of the situation. Old patterns of feeling attached to personal achievement are based on a way of thinking deeply embedded in the society I grew up in, and represent the very way of be- ing and interacting I want to transcend.
Interestingly enough, these factors of communicating and working effectively with one another are at the core of nearly all the problems I experience externally. It seems to be present across the collective consciousness on different levels; within social circles I move in, intentional communities and the wider world as reflected in the news. They are also represented in the lower left and right quadrants, making these very balancing pursuits.
Conclusions on this section of the Career Review
It seems that my tension with communication and collaboration is mirrored within and without, and constitutes a connective flow of fertile edges for exploration. I have detailed the potential project areas for the next year in the (Un) Learning Goals section. I have an abundance of opportunities for growth in all quadrants, and to draw this theme throughout my work shall support a multi- level, multi- edged learning platform. It also provides an opportunity to cover internal work and provide a service to the wider world through designed and documented journeying. My degree pathway is;
M.Sc. Integrative and Collaborative Eco- Social Design and Communication
Aims and Objectives
The aim of this essay is to acknowledge and review learning pathways up to this point. By taking time to reflect and acknowledge what has been achieved and realized thus far, an opportunity arises to focus and accelerate learning by articulating current needs and desires, identifying how these can be met, and investigating how to expand various foundations and skill bases that already exist by applying modelling.
To do this I shall explore key experiences in my learning pathways before I utilized action learning models by identifying what went well, and what was challenging as a narrative prose. I shall expand upon prominent kairos moments and then look more closely at the transition to the last few years of conscious pathway choices, before using the four quadrants model of Ken Wilber to identify potentially fertile edges for growth.
Life before Conscious Action Learning Pathways; What went well and what was challenging
I was raised in a sleepy village in rural Wiltshire, U.K. My upbringing was incredibly valuable and healthy on many levels. I was introduced to nature with a feeling of reverence that was instilled deeply into my being. I was taught stringently to respect the natural world around me, to think about my actions and not simply follow common societal trends. I was allowed a certain space to engage with visualization and imagination both through encouragement to play outdoors and consistent time spent with the family immersed in nature. It was often in silence that, upon reflection, I was gifted the time and space to observe and assess the world with no distracting ideas imposed upon my experience. I learnt to work through possible explanations with my own logic before enquiring after another reference. I learnt that I could solve complex problems simply by giving them clear non- judgemental attention.
Our family home had no media inlets besides a wholesome book collection, and later in my life I engaged with radio. My mother cooked wholesome food and together with my father they maintained a high level of commitment to their ideals. I was instilled with a sense of my ability, a confidence that I could achieve anything I turned my attention to. I remember a fairly consistent feeling of forcefulness was used by my parents to maintain these parameters as I was keen to find a sense of unity with my peers, and often felt deeply separated through the relative incongruency in expressed values I experienced with them. I was not allowed to socialize extensively well into secondary school, and I often had a nervous relationship with my peers and struggled to anchor relationships. I reacted rebeliously if I felt my agency was constrained.
I found it incredibly challenging at times to be raised so differently to the mainstream ideology of the time. Inwardly I was exhilirated and proud of my ability. However, I became very self- conscious, and developed judgemental and critical attitudes as defensive strategies, which have caused distress in different ways even to this day. I also found it challenging to have such a weak sense of voice, (or perhaps met with little flexibility), by my parents. It made me question their intentions and I found it harder to trust them. Experiencing this in the context of an archetypal relationship rather unconsciously has had strong repercussions in forming subsequent relationships.
I attended a small village primary school and went on to a small comprehensive secondary. I excelled across the subjects and found I was at least competent in anything I put my mind to. I had few teachers who were able to stimulate me beyond the scope of where the class was at. I generally responded with unconscious compliance, and amused myself with visioning future projects. A need to be accepted by my peers was always in tension with the isolating feeling of being “brighter” than the group. I felt pained and helpless at recurring intervals of these years, and that caused my ego to start shaping itself to numb the larger pain, that of segregation and lack of connection. I found it challenging to really express anything from the heart at times my ego just wanted to fit in, and I spent a lot of time observing and trying to act congruently with the peers I respected or objectified. I found myself oftentimes constrained or restricted by reductionist thinking, or the limits of my teachers knowledge. I felt unsupported on a personal learning journey, and was not challenged sufficiently to really feel satisfactorily engaged. My learning was rapid when teachers engaged with me more directly and guided or challenged my thinking.
In early years of employment I often lacked stimulation and felt disempowered by the situations I put myself into. I lacked the creativity, resources and drive to change that situation for several years and worked in jobs that created dissatisfaction and stress. I did, however, learn a wide array of hands on skills and gained confidence in my abilities to use my initiative.
It was around this time that I first got involved in my first deep relationship, with Becca, which served as support both directly, and soon through Her family, that I had not known before. Becca has an amazing ability to touch the depth of pain in a supportive gentle way, and Her love was sweet balm to me. Her parents were both supportive and compassionate and Row has been a continuing mentor and model until the present day, (and in fact is supporting me in taking this course). I have spent a large portion of my life to date in relationships since this time, and combined with various key friendships these have served, at times, as mentoring and support on multiple levels, (often with clear family role substitutions, which has been interesting and acknowledged).
I also started travelling, both around the country and internationally. I had no intentions in mind other than to experience the world through the eyes of others. I desired an understanding of what life was like for societies less "developed" than my own. I often put myself in naive and foolish situations in my teenage travels. I was experiencing so much and on so many levels from the people I met, the things I came into contact with and the spaciousness that existed outside of life in England. I could not clearly depict what I was learning, but I knew I was having very rich experiences and had little desire to immerse myself in higher education in England. I was feeling clear that I learnt more in several fertile months of the year than schooling had ever taught me.
I was also introduced to Theravada Buddhism, and began a meditation practice that fueled an interest in meta- physical studies. I developed a new reality framework and learning pathway around studies into Therevada Tradition meditation, Reiki and Tai Chi.
I am grateful for so much in my early life, for I feel I walked in so many different shoes, within so many different circles. There is so much I could write about, and my learning has had such rich and self- perpetuating edges.
A Healing Crisis; Identifying the need for Unlearning
The pain and dis- ease of lack of authentic connection with my family and often my peers led to a radical rebellion and paradigm shift in my early teenage years. I began awakening to the idea that I could make choices, I could step outside the shell my parents had created and could even change my direction. This radical, confusing, explosive, but eventually empowering process resembled taking the cork out of a bottle that has been well shaken. Coupled with unconscious levels of unacknowledged and unresolved pain the results were intense.
This led to me leaving home at a young age, feeling very tender and vulnerable, yet having to mask that to feel strong enough to survive. I lived with travellers and gipsy`s, which both gave me a radically new window through which to view the world, and a new mentor, Mick, who took a fatherly role in my life at that time. I learnt many gipsy skills and felt inspired and alive with a sense of freedom I had not known before.
For several years I was consumed by patterns of heavy drug use and addiction. This had all kinds of extraordinary effects on my life, both positive and negative, and on many levels. I became self- centered and selfish at a time when it actually served to bring me back to how I felt, having diluted myself into others perspectives for some time. I had none of the limits of others` thinking, perceptions or judgments clouding my visions. It was so exhilarating that I got lost for a long time. It was a dual edged sword. I released, I learnt and I followed whatever took my interest. I had an incredible array of amazing experiences that I could not relate in words. I equally suffered; I harboured gross delusions, oppressed fears, lacked clarity and had little care or respect for myself or others at times. I suffered deeply in many ways during this process. My learning was often stacked with powerful insight and quite literally mind- shattering visions, yet lacked the structured framework for cohesive integration and comprehension.
Some of the friends I shared this part of my life with were very important. I had mentoring from various elder figures in a variety of places and this helped keep me together in times when I was feeling very fragile and unsure and isolated through lack of connection to my family. My friend Jimbo was particularly important during my transformation in terms of support and joint immersion into nature. Another friend Jim, who has since died, was a solid base for me for a long period up to His death, also sharing the nature connection. The times we spent with each other and various extended friend networks was healing and spacious. A lot of honest acknowledgement took place and I began to face up to dark areas inside.
What is key to take from this part of my life is that I came out the other side feeling radically transformed in regards to my ideas, possibilities, visions and desires. I felt like I had pressed a Reset button. Whilst creating some new traumas to heal (I now see the dangers of unconscious shifts) I also managed to shatter many restraints, effectively rebuilding the foundation of my life. I had passion, determination, experience and empathy with all kinds of things that I simply did not have the capacity for before that time. For all the negative aspects and confusions that entailed, I had developed a meta lens with which I could view the world in a much more integrative manner, and felt some comfort toward my role within it.
Particularly relevant and poignant in this moment of writing is the poem by W. H. Auden that a friend introduced me to;
“What need we teach a child with our books and rules? Let Him walk among the hills and flowers, let Him gaze upon deep waters, let Him look up to the stars, and He will have his wisdom”
It was with this attitude in mind that I emerged from this period and reconnected with my inner child and the wholesome values that remained at my core and began taking control of my life.
A Model shift; Moving to a place of more conscious (Un) learning
“An ever increasing focus in an ever widening sphere of interests”
A major transition occurred in my learning process upon taking a PDC when I began integrating the use of design methodologies, which have been fundamental to an ever increasing focus in an ever widening sphere of personal interests. This represents the last few years working method since taking a Permaculture Design Course and a “response – ability” attitude towards my life. It was at the initial PDC that I encountered three elders, who were particularly relevant in my shift to consciously designing and implementing visions. Rod Everitt and Mill Millichap, my PDC teachers, whose wealth of knowledge and commitment to life- long learning and the dissemination of it touched me in a way I had not experienced from a mentor before. Kieron Corr, who was also a student, but introduced us to Shamanic journeying in the Celtic tradition during the course. This, and subsequent work with my partner Romy at the time changed a lot in how I related to the world around me.
Here the shift to more conscious decision making and self- regulation quickly started to filter through to different areas of life. For example, a consciously designed shift to self- employment with multi- income streams based on the ethic of Right Livelihood allowed a greater degree of control over levels of income, positive effects for the customer/ community/ world at large and personal considerations such as time, effort and other interests.
In terms of relationships, a transition to more integrative and “care- full” models and worldviews, including non- violent communication and community building skills work illustrates a progression that takes full responsibility for personal (inter)actions and models a living example of action learning due to the complex and diverse multi- edge factors involved. I started nurturing the connections that felt healthy and supportive, and trying to bring that into new interactions. There have been some key figures in the last few years. Romy who was my partner for five years, was a huge transformative force in my life. Our relationship taught me how rich and all- quadrant a partnership can be in terms of development, and I owe so much to our time walking together.
I feel a lot of gratitude to Alfred who has shown so much trust and belief in my path, has endlessly shared His imaginative visions, heard mine, and is supporting me hugely in this current learning pathway. My dear friend Mischa has been like a mirror the last few years, and has been part of so much healing and growth. His commitment to His truth has guided me consistently. In terms of male friends, this relationship has brought new levels of understanding in desires and wishes relating to connection. There have been countless beautiful and fruitful connections, and the key learning revolves around remaining present and fearless in my truth.
In education, a shift to self- directed/ managed studies allows conscious pathway directing within a productive framework, whilst creating room or natural expansion and edge growth to extend learning into ever more diverse fields. I have studied horticulture, sociology and permaculture as self structured courses, as well as many skill- flexes and keeping up with various academic fields. I can reflect that my drive and productivity are vast if I feel interested and free to follow my inclinations, and particularly if I feel supported.
More recently there has been a personal shift to a more collaborative or co- creational level of thinking where upon seeing the needs, skills and talents of others there has been an increased interest and curiosity towards that person or opportunity. Replacing predominantly solo habits with more collaborative and communal thinking has been a deep challenge to both the ego and mental conditioning patterned by previous encounters with educational structures and ingrained social values. This has been particularly relevant in social life and relationships, due to imbalances that arise through conditioning and habit, e.g. power, dominance and lack of spaciousness. (In intimate relationships this has manifested in pain and neglect that could be avoided by more direct application of conscious feedback models/ processes, such as non- violent communication models or an action learning spiral/ clear goals articulation)
The fact that these solutions are more common, or perhaps more naturalized personal experiences, reflects a satisfying response to original doubts, disillusions and problems distilled over a long period of life before clear frameworks for addressing such issues had presented themselves. A naturalized position of turning personal problems to solutions represents the embodiment of positive solution based strategies, and consequently empowers further efforts. In regards to learning, just taking careful and skillful action usually results in an exponential growth.
As personal experience and niche skills and education grow, a move towards teaching others more formally has come about. This benefits a more holistic sense of community, provides another edge for personal learning, whilst highlighting particular areas of expansion, e.g., communication skills and practices. The integration of teaching linked to working edges for personal learning has developed through considering the value of relative personal knowledge and experience in my current residence in Thailand. By integrating holistic income needs, a desire to improve communication skills combined with consolidating existing knowledge, teaching PDC`s has evolved as an example of multi- functional solution.
My living situation has revolved around low impact living through communal housing, living in narrowboats/ trees/ yurts and a van. These experiences have fostered competence in a wide range of skills and knowledge flexes that filter into every aspect of my life. This has all culminated in a transition to living in intentional community. I now live and work managing the Panya Project, a sustainability/ permaculture education site in the north of Thailand.
Taking Stock, Celebrating inherent skills and capacities
Regenerative Design Practical Skill Flexes; I have qualifications in Organic Horticulture and Crop Production and a Diploma in Applied Permaculture design. Over the last few years I have worked on/ managed aspects of food production on organic farms. I have worked on and set up various community based and personal projects. I have lived in different community settings and have built a variety of things, from water systems to houses. I have experience in sustainable food systems, wild crafting, preserving food, natural building, alternative and appropriate energy systems, water systems and purification. I feel committed to life- long learning in this area especially.
Regenerative Design Skills; I have taken a PDC, sat in others and have taught two. I also completed a Diploma in Applied Permaculture Design which means I went through conscious design cycles many times and have internalized this process in a way that feels easy and efficient. I also have experience in designing and building low impact housing. Having moved into teaching I feel both a heightened fluency and need for more advanced and technical skills. I also use and value these processes in internal development, as a linking discipline and efficiency tool.
Creative Response- Ability; My academic abilities have been both extended and challenged by the new models of thinking and processing I have encountered in the last few years. I am also currently acknowledging a kairos moment where new models and advanced ideas are in the periphery and am looking forward to really engaging with those in this work. I feel flexible and able to let go of old thinking to make space for more expansive visions.
Trusting the heart; The power of the transition period I went through instilled an inner conviction that allows me to go out into more conventional spheres and stay true to my beliefs, and sometimes bring light where there is darkness. It feels important for the outreach work that is central to shifting collective conscious. This quality was incubated and is empowered by time spent with other people holding their truth.
Presence and Awareness; Years of Meditation practice and a variety of other internal practices have developed my ability to remain focused and engaged in different situations. I have grown strong observational skills and watched my mental abilities speed up through the refining and clearing qualities of my inner practices. This has helped me connect to what I am feeling, and see into other peoples experience.
Nature Awareness; More specifically, the development outlined above has been part of integrating the observations and insights gained from long periods alone in nature. This has been a huge part of my overall learning; both how things function and connect, and a distillation of the experience of the laws that govern this Kosmos. I have been humbled and empowered and have a living reference and reflection library more vast than any other source. This forms the foundation of my spiritual experience and informs all my work.
Conscious streaming and Reflection; After taking the Artists Way, a powerful self guided internal creativity course, my ability to conscious stream and later reflect and identify patterns has grown. I find this an incredibly useful way to create a journal as it negates or reduces any intrusive subjective interpretation that may block a truthful experience. On a more formal level, documenting my work and making it accessible to others feels useful.
Creating (And learning to Hold) Space; I have often taken a role in various relationships where I create space for releasing distress. I have been working on this in the community setting I currently live in, consciously designing models and strategies for integral holistic management. I am acutely aware of the lack of young people skilled in this area, and feel a little helpless in regards to the lack of mentors modeling this. I am very keen to develop these skills and collaborate in this process.
Contributing and sharing surplus; I have had a yearning to create the visions I have / share with others since leaving home. I feel willing to use my life for experimenting and working for the good of others. This manifests in the ethics I live by and where I devote my energies and time. I am constantly working on being available and flexible for contribution, which feels particularly relevant in community.
Leadership and Collaborating; Setting up projects during the Diploma and teaching yurt building and PDC`s/ Natural building has developed some aspects of leadership and sharing this process. Working within the community at Panya and designing systems.
Here are some of my acquired skills represented on the Quadrant model;
Points to focus on
It is also worth noting here that the lower left and upper right quadrants on the diagram above are comparatively lacking in substance, and it would make sense to concentrate development in these areas to achieve a more balanced and integrative position.
The aspects of my character I have greatest discomfort with seem to generally arise from two main spaces. These are deeply engrained habitual patterns born from unconscious defence mechanisms. These are; criticism born of lack of trust and judgment resulting from pain caused in relation to experience of family/ close friends. These are patterns of repetition that I am aware of but still impact negatively in my communication.
The other challenging aspect at this point is collaborative work where I find my ego often disrupts a genuine connection and appreciation of what is being offered and the potential of the situation. Old patterns of feeling attached to personal achievement are based on a way of thinking deeply embedded in the society I grew up in, and represent the very way of be- ing and interacting I want to transcend.
Interestingly enough, these factors of communicating and working effectively with one another are at the core of nearly all the problems I experience externally. It seems to be present across the collective consciousness on different levels; within social circles I move in, intentional communities and the wider world as reflected in the news. They are also represented in the lower left and right quadrants, making these very balancing pursuits.
Conclusions on this section of the Career Review
It seems that my tension with communication and collaboration is mirrored within and without, and constitutes a connective flow of fertile edges for exploration. I have detailed the potential project areas for the next year in the (Un) Learning Goals section. I have an abundance of opportunities for growth in all quadrants, and to draw this theme throughout my work shall support a multi- level, multi- edged learning platform. It also provides an opportunity to cover internal work and provide a service to the wider world through designed and documented journeying. My degree pathway is;
M.Sc. Integrative and Collaborative Eco- Social Design and Communication
Planned activities for the following year (To proceed actual contract)
The list and mind map below notes planned activities for the following year, with potential to integrate skill/ knowledge flexes into the body of coursework. This proceeds a learning contract where I identify more specifically what I desire to learn with an indication of how, when and with whom....
Activities
· Full Permaculture design for major activity at Panya over next 6 months
Includes major food forest planting, leading a month long natural building internship as well as a range of other engaging activities and possibilities
· Teaching and implementing (collaboratively) micro- elements in regards to above
Designing sessions to educate long and short term volunteers in regards to the specific activities at hand. Encouraging collaborative design and implementation strategies to compliment and enrich experiences for all.
· Designed holistic and integral management of the Panya community over this period
Using strategies and models from other communities and draw from personal experience to design and continually evaluate how effectively management is running by check- ins, group sharing and meetings. Aiming for all round growth and providing opportunities and space for individual needs and desires.
· Collaborative book writing, applying Permaculture design to human relationships
Applying permaculture design tools to relationships with others. Far reaching, progressive, universal, practical and positive solution based, the aim is to bring an accessible and important message to the permaculture community in particular
· Establishing a personal website for courses/ consultancy
Setting up a personal website for advertising courses and workshops offered, consultancy and disseminating information.
· Converting Permaculture Diploma to a digital format/ online to aid future students
Creating an accessible and clear resource for use by new/ potential permaculture students. Addressing current lack of such resources while giving an edge for thorough review and personal clarification/ learning.
· Producing PDC notes in a form accessible and useful to potential teachers
See above.
· Solo PDC designed specifically around the island community on Koh Samui
Gaining experience in teaching alone to become familiar with more material, bring income and contribute to what constitutes a potentially powerful model easily extrapolated and taken to other places. Creative adaptation of the course to fulfil needs of a specific community.
· Approaching PAB in regards to revamping P. DIP
Input creating an updated and organised system to replace one that was personally frustrating and lacking. Gaining familiarity in a system that may be relevant to work in the future.
· Consultancy for natural building in Cambodia during the rains
Possible consultancy job teaching culturally applicable natural building methods to an International school in Cambodia. Generate income sustainably even in foreign countries, gain more practical experience and possibly visit a friends project at the same time.
· Taking creative teacher training regarding PDC`s
Expand skills and creative approach specifically in regard to teaching permaculture to improve quality and satisfy widening range of needs in students.
· Land buying festival in U.K.
A possible collaboration with a close friend in the U.K. to create a model for community empowerment through a land buying festival, combined with celebration, ceremony, education and community development work.
· Gaia BSc Sharing
Presenting this work publically to help inform and inspire others into making more conscious pathway decisions.
· Song/ Ceremony Share
Producing central site for uploading the pattern language of unifying song/ ceremony from across the Gaia network in a audio/ video format for rapid sharing.
Slideshow of Learning Contract
Below is a slideshow detailing activities and skills I want to learn/ develop this year. I have placed them in the quadrant model to show how I am aiming to rebalance my approach and pathway. ( See Conclusions section of '(Un) Learning so far')
This mindmap gives reference to when I wish to pursue different goals, and with the help/ guidance/ support of whom;
The list and mind map below notes planned activities for the following year, with potential to integrate skill/ knowledge flexes into the body of coursework. This proceeds a learning contract where I identify more specifically what I desire to learn with an indication of how, when and with whom....
Activities
· Full Permaculture design for major activity at Panya over next 6 months
Includes major food forest planting, leading a month long natural building internship as well as a range of other engaging activities and possibilities
· Teaching and implementing (collaboratively) micro- elements in regards to above
Designing sessions to educate long and short term volunteers in regards to the specific activities at hand. Encouraging collaborative design and implementation strategies to compliment and enrich experiences for all.
· Designed holistic and integral management of the Panya community over this period
Using strategies and models from other communities and draw from personal experience to design and continually evaluate how effectively management is running by check- ins, group sharing and meetings. Aiming for all round growth and providing opportunities and space for individual needs and desires.
· Collaborative book writing, applying Permaculture design to human relationships
Applying permaculture design tools to relationships with others. Far reaching, progressive, universal, practical and positive solution based, the aim is to bring an accessible and important message to the permaculture community in particular
· Establishing a personal website for courses/ consultancy
Setting up a personal website for advertising courses and workshops offered, consultancy and disseminating information.
· Converting Permaculture Diploma to a digital format/ online to aid future students
Creating an accessible and clear resource for use by new/ potential permaculture students. Addressing current lack of such resources while giving an edge for thorough review and personal clarification/ learning.
· Producing PDC notes in a form accessible and useful to potential teachers
See above.
· Solo PDC designed specifically around the island community on Koh Samui
Gaining experience in teaching alone to become familiar with more material, bring income and contribute to what constitutes a potentially powerful model easily extrapolated and taken to other places. Creative adaptation of the course to fulfil needs of a specific community.
· Approaching PAB in regards to revamping P. DIP
Input creating an updated and organised system to replace one that was personally frustrating and lacking. Gaining familiarity in a system that may be relevant to work in the future.
· Consultancy for natural building in Cambodia during the rains
Possible consultancy job teaching culturally applicable natural building methods to an International school in Cambodia. Generate income sustainably even in foreign countries, gain more practical experience and possibly visit a friends project at the same time.
· Taking creative teacher training regarding PDC`s
Expand skills and creative approach specifically in regard to teaching permaculture to improve quality and satisfy widening range of needs in students.
· Land buying festival in U.K.
A possible collaboration with a close friend in the U.K. to create a model for community empowerment through a land buying festival, combined with celebration, ceremony, education and community development work.
· Gaia BSc Sharing
Presenting this work publically to help inform and inspire others into making more conscious pathway decisions.
· Song/ Ceremony Share
Producing central site for uploading the pattern language of unifying song/ ceremony from across the Gaia network in a audio/ video format for rapid sharing.
Slideshow of Learning Contract
Below is a slideshow detailing activities and skills I want to learn/ develop this year. I have placed them in the quadrant model to show how I am aiming to rebalance my approach and pathway. ( See Conclusions section of '(Un) Learning so far')
This mindmap gives reference to when I wish to pursue different goals, and with the help/ guidance/ support of whom;
Documentation of Prior Learning
As I currently live in Thailand and am making a transition to digital media, a lot of valuable documentation is unavailable for this output.
Here is an overview of the final designs from my Diploma in Applied Permaculture Design, followed by slideshows of excerpts from the accompanying books;
The following slideshows are grouped into different edges of learning, and document aspects of the last 8 months of living, learning, playing, teaching and growing at The Panya Project. I have not provided much elaboration on these albums as the amount of work and growth has been vast and diverse and I feel the photographs themselves speak of the multitude of edges and challenges they represent.
Food Production
Group Learning
Child Mentoring
Systems Design/Implementation
Natural Building
Teaching
Inspiration
As I currently live in Thailand and am making a transition to digital media, a lot of valuable documentation is unavailable for this output.
Here is an overview of the final designs from my Diploma in Applied Permaculture Design, followed by slideshows of excerpts from the accompanying books;
The following slideshows are grouped into different edges of learning, and document aspects of the last 8 months of living, learning, playing, teaching and growing at The Panya Project. I have not provided much elaboration on these albums as the amount of work and growth has been vast and diverse and I feel the photographs themselves speak of the multitude of edges and challenges they represent.
Food Production
Group Learning
Child Mentoring
Systems Design/Implementation
Natural Building
Teaching
Inspiration
Resource Review
To Create this Output Packet I have utilised the following Resources;
Digiphon
To create this output packet I used the following technologies;
Time Review
Total Time 11hr 20 mins
To Create this Output Packet I have utilised the following Resources;
- Photographs from duration of stay at the Panya Project
- Photographs taken by friends during this time
- Photographs my Sister composed of my Diploma Portfolio
- My C.V.
- My memory
- Internet and computer ( See Digiphon)
- Written documentation/ Sticky pads
- Gaia University Advisors
- Gaia University GEL website
Digiphon
To create this output packet I used the following technologies;
- Canon Ixus Digital camera
- Acer Aspire One Notebook
- Buffalo 500GB Portable hard- drive
- Microsoft Word
- Gaia University GEL website
- Picassa
- Gmail
- Vue mindmapping
- Microsoft Publisher
- http://holons-news.com/
Time Review
| (Un) Learning so far.. |
220 mins |
| Learning Contract |
190 mins |
| Prior Learning |
120 mins |
| C.V. |
60 mins |
| Resource Review, etc |
25 mins |
| Self Review |
65 mins |
Total Time 11hr 20 mins
OP1 Outcomes
Professional
-
Business website creation
-
Portfolio creation
-
CV Creation
Personal
-
Clarity
-
Appraisal of current Situation
-
Inspiration/ motivation
-
Pause and Reflection
-
Reconnection to Meta awareness
-
Commitment to self growth/ unlearning
Project
-
Brainstorming for year ahead
-
Identifying interconnections between proposed plans
-
Identifying areas for focus/ growth
-
Celebrating achievements to date
