Panya Project

Stacking Functions/ Valuing the marginal/ Accepting Feedback/ Redundancy

Project in a nutshell

Output Packet 2 - Cycle specification

Here are two videos outlining this Output Packet;




Preparations and proposed outcomes for OP 2

This Output is taking three very prominent threads in my life at present and taking a journey through the learning cycles for each of them. My focus shall remain on the Communicative and Collaborative elements of my activities.
The threads I am following here are;

• My relationship, setting foundations and explorations
• Integral management of the Panya Project
• Running a Natural Building Internship

These parts of my life shall clearly illuminate the weaknesses and flaws in my focus threads, thus make for fantastic opportunities for good design, growth and action learning. The dynamic nature of community living stands to make good space for exploring rapid prototype responces and provides plenty of scope for good and detailed feedback.

This Output will have significant benefits for myself, my partner and the wider community in which we live. It is likely to have effects on the future visitors to this project, as I have a duty in training the new managers who arrive in November.
Internally I have the opportunity to really bring documented awareness and useful feedback to my learning pathway with communication and collaboration, in the presence of a small community open and willing to support me on my journey.
Michelle and I have some time to really explore and start documenting goals and feelings around commiting to a relationship before She goes abroad for a few months. We are interested in exploring various lines of thought alone and then setting some time for co- creatively processing that work into a shared vision.
It is my hope that the community at Panya can really benefit from my journey. I am commited to opening my process and sharing it with the hope of inspiring others and easing the challenges and tensions that naturally arise in communal life. Our processes shall be documented where relevent and it shall hopefully serve as a model for the future managers of the project to learn from. I also hope to introduce a few GU models into the Panya common language, with the possibility of Panya becoming a SE Asian hub in the future, something I could collaborate with Christian on at a later stage.

The outcomes of this packet are likely to include new and re- evaluated directives mainly for myself. Michelle and I will also have some clearer notions of how we are relating to each other and relationships in general. Due to my position of currently managing Panya, there will be others affected by this work, and this work will be shared either directly, if desired, or organically through the way I am directing things. This OP is a snapshot of a process that will be continuing until I leave the project in December. There are no desired end points by the end of the OP, just a documented journey into an ever evolving process.

The design processes for each of the three aspects I am relating in this OP differ, and full detail is given in the Main Report. Given the human nature of all these projects the evaluation shall be based on subjective accounts, feedback and inner feelings and perceptions. The physical outputs at Panya shall also give an indication of how well things are flowing in the community.

This part of my learning cycle shall all take place in the Panya community, with some email/ phone connection with Michelle when She moves abroad. The main context for this work is progression into the inner journey with communication and collaboration, and the design cycles I am engaging with should hopefully serve to provide good platforms for experimenting, new edges for exploration and growth, and good feedback to monitor my progress.

Projects Reports

This main report is comprised of up to date documentation of the design processes for each of the three projects being examined in this Output Packet. I have approached each project using the design cycle illustrated on the front cover of this OP. Each project in this main report is divided into respective sections;

Integral Management at The Panya Project

Goals Articulation

The goals of this project are listed below;

• Dive head first into a leadership role at The Panya Project
• Utilise and maintain effective aspects of Christians leadership
• Clearly communicate processes with community
  
• Document processes
• Establish Emotional check- ins
  
• Bring new models to the Panya "Language"
• Maintain a happy, inspired and productive community
• Find time for my studies amidst the activity
• Design time for personal rest and space
• Explore edges for new growth
• Stack functions between projects/ activities
• Provide materials for future managers

Research/ Analysis

The research for this project mainly consists of going through my notes from the GU orientation along with a lot of built in analysis of what I have enjoyed at Panya, what I think went well, and what seemed lacking in the last 9 months I have been living here. This has, in part, been documented during my Artisits Way program, where I was writing 4 pages of streaming thought every morning for 3 months. Besides the constant reflections in this journal I have a strong sense in mind of how I want to go about running the project.

One thing I am very clear on is the need to open up my own, as well as the inner Panya workings, to everyone. Transparency is crucial as I move into a leadership role. I am keenly aware that I am not very qualified to be leading a community, although relatively I am feeling capable. I want to share how I am processing and relating to this journey as well as let the long termers see how money works, etc, so they can understand why I might be making certain decisions, as well as be more capable of self mangement. Clarity in communicating the vision of the project will contextualise the experience for people. I re- read Christians` original goals articulation for the project to refresh that in myself. I also read through some of my journals to identify key areas for input.

I have also been working on an overall site design for the project, which shall serve to inform and direct all the future visitors to the site. So far this has been communicated orally, but I have a clear need for a more visually defined design. I have been learning and researching about this climate since I have been here, and am moving into a place where I feel I can take Christians goals and enrich that design with my own vision.

I wanted to run a World Cafe to familiarise myself with this framework, so downloaded some useful PDF`s from the WC website. My friend Amelia was staying at the project and had helped run cafes in Africa. We decided to collaborate and speed- read the guidebook to extrapolate the key concepts and guidelines.

Below is a slideshow of our research/ preparation;





Design

I followed a desire to lead from behind, as it were, by laying out clearly what Panyas vision is, exploring with the long term volunteers what their goals were and what my expectations of them were. I decided the easiest way to orientate the new volunteers, whilst documenting my initial planning was to create a Prezi presentation. You can view the presentation by following the link;

http://prezi.com/w2uycdykrpnl/

I created a daily schedule to formulate a pattern for people to co- ordinate their activites around, giving a balance of work and rest, and bringing us together at certain times, eg, for meals. I liked the communal eating tradition we have followed at Panya, where we wait for each other and bless the food.
I also divided people into 4 work teams, which rotate whenever someone decides to change things around. These groups are active first thing in the morning to take care of various basic needs, and ensure we all work together, with each other at different times, to support and care for each others wellbeing.

To aid learning I designed in group exercises where we could explore various Permaculture ideas ( See Soil Web Role Play under Implementation)
To aid interpersonal tools I decided to plan a talk around co- counseling, and asked Michelle to talk about NVC. Having a shared framework for dealing with challanging situations felt like a good place to start, based on the inevitability of tensions arising in such a enclosed group.

I also delegated ongoing tasks away to various people to reduce my personal workload. To aid my processes I also designed a GTD board so I would be able to download all the various tasks and information from my mind and not carry any stress with my responsibilities. ( See photos under Implementation heading)

To explain the models and theories behind Panya I planned a presentation talk around Spiral Dynamics and Integral Theory, to communicate how they have influenced the formation of the project, and how we can benefit from aplying them in our lives. I thought it best to work this into the first week, to establish a model and way of relating to the project.

It was also my intention to explore the World Cafe format for aiding open communal discussions and tapping into collective intelligence. Amelia and I spent some time creating a goals articulation for a Cafe event, relating to matters arising in the community at the time. We decided to run a Collaborative Cafe, to explore the notion of collaboration. We decided to summarise the process not only to communicate the event to people, but to bring it to the Panya common language as a tool to be used in the future of the site.

I had really enjoyed the Think and Listen model we used in PDC teaching, and at the GU orientation, so decided to use this in a more "emotional wellbeing" style check in. This was, I felt, missing in the time I have been at Panya. I wanted a concise yet potentially powerful model in place for people to immediately open up and share both the positive and negative aspects of their experiences with each other and the group. I also wanted to get away from all having to hear everything from each other. I decided on the format below;

Weekly Check-in

4 mins each way ( Pairs)
Whats going well for you?
Whats challanging for you at the moment?
(Followed by another relevent question)eg, What do you feel drawn to pursuing in your learning next?
Do you have any requests to the group?

Group share ( Key points of whats going well/challanging?)
Close

In designing this I wanted to be clear about timing for each other, active listening, and expressing that the aim of a request is to put something in front of the group without distress or expectation of that request necessarily being met.

Implementation

The presentations I gave for both the orientation and models/ theories went really well. People were inspired and I got good feedback regarding the conscious effort involved with planning. I feel like it served to really pull people tgether into a team, which was enhanced by the ease we all transitioned into effective working groups. Everyone seemed comfortable with the schedule and I got good feedback regarding the balance of work and play.

Here is a video of one of our collaborative learning exercises, the Soil Food web!





The World Cafe was really successful, it went really smoothly and was a good opportunity for people to share their ideas and views. It is an interesting and smooth way to collaborate, as the intentions are laid out clearly regarding moving away from individual ideas to more collaborative efforts. We came out of the evening with some clear next steps, an example of which was for everyone to write their own goals articulation out.

Here is a slideshow from the evening;




The check- ins have been running extremely well, and serve as the main outlet for tweeking the way things are running. I feel like we have formed a group dynamic that took a lot longer when I first arrived, with the aid of these tools. Michelle gave a really good introduction to NVC, which really inspired people, who have subsequently been trying it out when tensions arise. It has been beautiful to be part of these initial journies, where there is an obvious intention to care and support each other.

Here is a slideshow of some of the Check- in notes;



The delegated jobs have run so smoothly I have not had to think about them at all, which is very helpful to me. The long term volunteers have been self- managing and setting a great example for guests and visitors.

As a community we have achieved a lot physically and between us. This is real "proof of the pudding" as it were, and I feel really happy that I have spent the time to really organise and plan this time.

Below are a few shots of my GTD board;



Re- evaluate

I am feeling presently like it would be good to explore male/ female group work and see how we can harness and share the respective enate wisdom there.

Perhaps my biggest re- evaluative thought is the need to explore more fully collaborative projects. The collaborative aspects of this project and the building have been great learning experiences, however there is a feeling of limitation. I think within Panya there always will be, as it is a led community, I am here to make sure things are moving in the right direction, manage the budget, etc. It would be easier to have a more collaborative management if there were not visa conditions causing transient visits.

I think in future OP`s I would like to look at something deeper in this respect.
It is also my feeling at this point that we are missing the presence of Elders in the community. It seems to be a common experience of a lot of young people!

Nearing the end of the Natural Building Internship I had a really difficult couple of weeks where I was getting physically run down and mentally very stressed. My inability to really look after my inner zone came to a head when people called a meeting as it had begun to effect them negatively. I took this seriously as I saw my actions had been totally incongruent with what I had set out to achieve. I went for a holiday and fasted to clean the mind. It presented a real Kyros moment and led to a great sense of inner peace and clarity, which I believe is reflected in the letter I wrote to the community, which can be found in the appendix; "My reflections on communication."

I also plan to look into a digital GTD model, as my manual version is cumbersome and less practical than an automated digita one might be.



Building a Space of Love; Design in Partnership

From Similans

Goals Articulation

Michelle and I started a relationship in a way that was not fully satisfactory to both of us, primarily as I was processing a lot of feelings from past relationships. I had been thinking a lot around this area of my life and was feeling moved to try and find clarity with two previous partners.
We had some time apart which served to bring us both to the point of wanting to gain insight, clarity and a new momentum for our partnership.

It is interesting to relate this in the design cycle as a lot of the movement has been about getting clear goals individually, and seeing how they fit together.
I had a strong desire to use conscious design, partly due to my training and partly due to pain from other relationships that I feel may have been avoided by simple tools being in place for communication and particularly releasing distress.

Michelle had recently taken a PDC and was interested in journaling around how She was relating to the relationship and exploring the potential synergy between design tools and human relationships.

The goals at present are summarised below;

• Gain deeper insight into personal limitations and boundaries
• Gain deeper insight into how we are relating to each other
• Explore design tools and their implications in relationships
• Design a way of checking in with each other, particularly around distress
• Clearly communicate where support is needed and how we would like it
• Explore the very notion of relationship, and what it looks like to us

Research/ Analysis

Exploring design concepts with interpersonal relationships in mind
Michelle and I spent some time journaling around how we related to the Permaculture design concepts in terms of relationships. This was a productive excercise that led to new lines of inquiry and discussion.

Some of this journal work is documented in the slide show below;



Journaling

We both spent time individually reflecting on points that arose in conversations, or on an idea one of us brought up that day. We explored what relationships ideally contained, what we felt we had energy for, what we needed support in and what our highest vision of a relationship included.

The resulting mindmap found in under the heading "Design" is a condensed version of our ideas and thoughts and intentions.

Past experiences

One aspect we found we both valued highly was a willingness to explore and share the "shadow sides" of ourselves. We talked a lot about past experiences and what we felt contributed to our wellbeing and what made us suffer in previous relationships.

There have been questions that arise between us from time to time, and we have both enjoyed the clarity of just getting them out and writing about how we feel. I often feel clearer and more connected to my heart writing as opposed to talking. I have included some of this processing in the Appendix.

Reading

I have been particularly interested in pursuing Non Violent Communication and found a lot of great information in some audio files from the originator Marshall Rosenberg. These happened to be on one of my harddrives from a media share. I followed this up with some reading, the summary works are included in the appendix.

I have had resistance to this way of relating in the past when I have encountered it as it often feels like a lot of bypassing is happening. I have been really inspired by Michelle, who has embodied this way of relating into Her very Being, and it feels very different. It is congruent with my highest aspirations, and runs as deep as One cares to pursue it.

Other couples

I wanted to find out if other couples used models and whether We could share some of our process in order to gain further insight and offer/receive support from other couples in their journey. Michelle and I agreed that society does not generally leave us knowing how to support other couples, or present us with many really inspiring models.

I felt a desire to share some of Our inner processes in order to contextualise why I was contacting other couples. Michelle felt totally comfortable with this, and so I wrote a request on Facebook to see if anyone was willing to share their insights and ideas.

Design

To really pull our thoughts and intentions together we made a mindmap of what we wanted our relationship to look like. This is shown below;



In our reflections on communication we have extrapolated the following guiding questions to constantly reflect upon;

• How clearly I am identifying my core needs in a given situation
• How articulately I am expressing my feelings/ needs
• How skillfully am I avoiding bringing distress/ judgement into an interaction
• How truthfully am I expressing myself
• How willing I am to commit to really listening to another
• How much I am trusting in the fundamental beauty of all beings
• How willing I am to commit to supporting and serving another

We also decided to use a daily check- in (when together physically) to support this process. This involves consciously sitting down with each other at the end of a day and asking two questions;

• What have I done that supported your wellbeing today?
• Is there anything you couldnt tell me?

We decided to use these two questions as they serve to reconnect and positively communicate what is going well in that moment, and how we are contributing to each other. The second question makes space for anything difficult that may have arisen, and serves to clarify the potential to deeply share and support each other around distress and conditioning.

We also decided to have more spacious re- evaluations now and again to look back over our intentions and ideas and discuss how we are relating to them. This allows for growth, refinement and re- centering.

Michelle was also about to leave overseas for a while, so we designed several ways we thought we would enjoy connecting during that period.

Implementation

It is early in this process and so it is difficult to elaborate deeply so far. We have both enjoyed the new direction the relationship has, and both have reflected on how much clearer and positive we feel about the relationship.

There is much more awareness in the care we have for each other and what we have set out to establish together. It feels like we are nurturing a tender young plant, that sits between us. It is great to feel equanimous and clear. It is such a positively strong foundation to a partnership.

Re-evaluate

We are both feeling really happy so far in this process. It feels very seperate from the initial part of the relationship, which is seperated in time and how we brought this awareness between us. I feel so much clearer and comfortable that it is fine to share the shadows as well as the light. We are both excited about the possibilities we have in this way of relating. It feels really powerful.

There have been a few incidences where I have found NVC style communication a little restimulating. We are exploring some deep conditioning and I think they has been a lot that could have contributed to that feeling in those situations. Mostly, on reflection, it sparks a defensive pattern within me by inviting me to really face fears of destructive patterns. On reflection it feels so healthy that even challanging aspects are enjoyable.

I have found, mostly in the wider community, that I enjoy connecting around distress more so than at other times, as it feels so sincere, humble and caring!

I have experienced some difficulty in relating whilst seperated by long distances. I relate this to the fact that life in a small community here is so intense and cut off from the outside world that it is really not in my awareness most of the time. My experience living here has been very full and there is little consideration of anything beyond the farm most of the time. This is also a reflection of how busy I am here. I am finding that writing this OP serves as a great piece of action learning in itself!

Only knowing each other in this community context is also part of the equation, and I have definately had doubts about how I would relate to Michelle in life at home. She has had similar doubts. These have left us mostly, as we have both been out of the country recently, and this served as a sort of reality check, ultimately confirming how glad we are to be in this process.



Leading a Natural Building Internship

Goals Articulation

• Renovate existing communal Sala
• Produce collaborative design
• Design for functionality and aesthetics
• Explore as many techniques and finishes as possible
• Maintain light and ventilation
• Create new spaces
• Explore aspects of Permaculture design
• Explore community living
  
• Integrate concepts from "A Pattern Language"
  
• Take care of each others wellbeing
• Meet as many other learning needs as possible

Research/ Analysis

I did some research into aspects of natural building I was not totally clear around. I have learnt mostly visually by "doing" in the past, so needed some specific information to share with the interns. I used the following books to carry out that research;

- A Pattern Language, Alexander, Ishikawi, Silverstein, Jacobson, King, Angel. Oxford University press. 1977.

- The hand sculpted house. Ianto Evans, Michael G.Smith, Linda Smiley. Chelsea Green Publishing Company. Vermont. 2002

- The art of natural building, Joseph Kennedy. New Society Publishing. 2002

I also planned to orientate the interns using some of the materials I had already gathered/ produced for the long term volunteers. ( See integral management above)


Design

I planned to introduce Panya by talking about the way we had been operating with the new long termers, which would lead to the same presentations of the models behind the project.

I planned to open up design work by laying out the design parameters related, including;

• Time available
• Budget
• Skills available
• Material suitability
• Inherent life of materials
• Function of space
• People who use the space
• Safety considerations

I acquired a slideshow of examples of natural building around the world, particularly mud brick ( the method we would be using) to inspire and illustrate the possibilities of this medium.

I was also keen to integrate concepts from A Pattern Language into the design, so delegated research into relevent sections to various people.

Implementation

Having introduced various ideas and laid out the limitations of the project, I wanted to then open up design work to really draw out all possibilities. I arranged for people to take sessions with each other, using the think and listen model to explore specific ideas, and more general play time drawing out sketches and ideas.

I also made materials available for inspiration and initiated research into A Pattern Language to draw threads of that work into our design.

Some of the background design work is illustrated in the photos below;



As only one other person had built in this style before we decided early on to get a feel for what we wanted to create, but not produce a blue- print, to allow for re- evaluation and organic development along the way, as parts of the building took place. Collaboratively we agreed that we wanted the whole building to connect and flow efficiently to mirror the outside and the materials we were using.

One of the interns came from a design and conventional building background, so we utilised some of his planning tools in gathering and organising some of the group information. The initial process in this was throwing out key words that characterised feelings we wanted to have in different places. This was a really interesting starting place that kliterally moulded the design.

The build was energising and a joy to watch forming in front of our eyes, the slideshow below shows this process;



Re- evaluation

Working organically was a great success. It definately allowed quiter members of the group space to really explore and express their ideas. It also meant we could mould the building as new ideas arose that perhaps could not have been conceived on paper. It is a blessing that this material is so suited to that, one can easily tear parts away and build bits up.

At times having a completely open design process was really challanging personally. It is really hard to be in a position of responsibility when there are so many inspired and excited people wanting to take things in different directions. I would consider laying out a more concrete design perhaps if I was to run another internship.

I found one of the interns particularly challenging as they wanted a leadership role in the internship. Initially I was a little challanged but I was happy with this, but we come from very different design methodology backgrounds and I was clear about the models I wanted to use. To compromise I decided to give that person some leadership roles in mini projects, but maintained the concepts and design models that I feel are common languages within Panya. This worked well and it ran smoothly with this format.

Looking after myself!

My workload has been very heavy! It took the loving support of my community friends to make me take my mind off the projects at hand and re- evaluate how my internal wellbeing was being nurtured.

This welcome support and perspective check- in led to some great outcomes for inner space to support my hard work. The outcomes included;

• A weeks water fast to clear the body and mind
• A reflective period away from the community to look at how I was doing on my learning pathway
• Time to work on this OP
• Re instatement of meditation practice
• Beginning Yoga practice with community friend
  
• Hot- Springs/ Massages and Kombucha!
• Quality time wit my beloved friend Mischa

Below are a few photos of my few days resting on holiday with Mischa;



Below is a overall outcome analysis on the 4 quadrants;

Resource Review

- Marshall Rosenberg- NVC audios

- NVC Literature, ©2006 Inbal Kashtan and Miki Kashtan, BayNVC, miki@baynvc.org, www.baynvc.org

- M.K. Gandhi- "Selected Political writings" (No more info. available)

- World Cafe- www.theworldcafe.com

- The Art of Questions PDF; (The World Cafe) Eric E. Vogt, Juanita Brown, David Isaacs

- Cafe To Go PDF; The World Cafe

- World Cafe Guidebook; The World Cafe, (No more info. available)

- Creating a life together, (No more info. available)

- TED Talks, Various.

- A Pattern Language, Alexander, Ishikawi, Silverstein, Jacobson, King, Angel. Oxford University press. 1977.

- The hand sculpted house. Ianto Evans, Michael G.Smith, Linda Smiley. Chelsea Green Publishing Company. Vermont. 2002

- The art of natural building, Joseph Kennedy. New Society Publishing. 2002



Digiphon

• Vue mindmapping software
• Microsoft Office App`s
• Canon Isus Digital Camera
• Canon Compact Digicam
• Multiple Harddrives!
• Skype
• Windows Movie Maker
• Picassa photo editor
• www.YouTube.com
• www.facebook.com
• www.Gmail.com
• uTorrent

Time Review

Activity and Time Taken

Importing Data 2 hrs
Recording Videos 1 hr
Making Vue maps 1 hr
Writing up main work 3 hrs
Editing 1.5 hrs
Uploading videos 1 hr
Internet Research 2 hrs
Reloading most of Main Report (!) 2 hrs
Learning Journal 2 hrs

Total Time 15.5 hrs

OP2 Outcomes

Professional

• Group Leadership skills

• Workshop organising/ facilitating skills

• Bookkeeping/ budgeting

• Natural building skills

• Learnt World Cafe model/ facilitation

• Integral project management

• Video editing/ production

• Rapidly acquired digital fluency

Personal

• New relationship founded on conscious design

• Integration of NVC/ co councilling principles

• Growth in confidence in leading

• More creative “response- ability”

• Clarity and purpose in direction

• Greater trust in the universe

• More functional relationships

• Ability to encourage distress release

• Creative documentation

• Identification of “teachable” moments

• Increased ability to articulate ideas

Project

• New community space

• Repair of old buildings

• New gardens and planting in community

• Reflection through journalling

• Greater ease in community

• Deeper connections in community

• Clearer boundaries/ roles in community

• Better feedback loops within group

• More efficient group work/ inclusion

• Increased opportunity for all to contribute/ be heard

• More integrative teaching methods

Appendix

Overview of the year ahead;
This video is a short interview in which I reflect on the project ideas I currently hold in mind. Even in the week following this a few ideas have arisen, and I am not attached nor particularly interested in laying out a linear progression. In my Permaculture Diploma I discovered that each project organically fed into new pathways and I found a good balance between planning and being.


Ideas that have arisen since include;

• Forming a collaborative design group in the U.K.
• Setting up a collaborative book writing within/ without GU around design in relationships
  
• Setting up some kind of structure to teach PDCs for money to fund travelling to teach free courses in places of need
• Collaborating with Christian/Ethan to set up Superheros ride UK
• Journey around Indonesia ( Initially), collaborating with an Anthropologist/ photographer friend documenting the Orang Laut, sea gypsies who say the oceans are dying
  

Reflections and Inner Observations during the last month

A letter of feedback and reflection to the community, written after a feedback session whence I left the farm for a break.

I set myself what I anticipated to be a huge challenge this year. One might consider managing Panya a full time endeavour; likewise studying a MSc. My interest in design premises such as stacking functions and maximum outputs for minimum inputs has, in part, fuelled this demanding choice. I also feel within me an element of haste to actively address both internal and external challenges that I have been contemplating over recent times. I believe this time on earth is incredibly important, great possibilities for change exist in every moment, yet this time feels crucial to our wider human development. My passion centers around a genuine desire to know Truth. This inspires a constant desire to pursue experience, learning, growth and unlearning the conditioning which so frequently severs my direct experience of what is real. There is a vitality to this journey which seems to furnish me with vast amounts of energy. Consequently, when that energy is not contained by disciplined and concentrated effort it can quickly become destructive for any number of inner imperfections.

As I have expressed before, it is communication and collaboration that I feel drawn to explore in my studies, for these represent the biggest inner challenges at present. I arrived at this insight by reviewing my growth and learning thus far at the outset of my studies with Gaia University. They are wide ranging notions indeed, and invite me to acknowledge the depth of my conditioning and false thought. What is really interesting to me is that I believe these issues are probably challenging for most people in our society, which carries the heavy burden of deep distress wrought by the very social structures and institutions some believe are designed to support us.

One thing that has arisen for me as I write is an idea that it may be beneficial to anyone wishing to support me in my explorations to have more access to my processes and thus I decided to write this for anyone curious to examine my thinking. I feel very blessed to be sitting on a lazy afternoon in Pai with my dear friend Mischa, who leaves tomorrow. I am brimming with gratitude for this opportunity to take time for myself and reconnect to parts of myself that have been dormant for some time. It is a failing in my design work to discount the need for personal reflection, meditation and expression. I am at the productive place of re evaluation and am gaining insights which I know shall serve a healthier direction from here. It is true we can never get to a desired destination by consistently straying off the path. I am happy that my ability to respond is becoming more successful across my journey. It is evident that I have a very long way to go on my journey towards skillful and non violent being, especially regarding communication. I have chosen this endevour as it is the only way towards Truth I can see, yet I know it is a difficult and steep path. Sitting here feeling relaxed, graceful and responsive I have full trust that I am consistently moving in the right direction.

One thing is clear, I could not have created this spaciousness for myself, so I feel deep gratitude to you all for manifesting this.

I would like to acknowledge my unskillful interaction and communication over the last few weeks, being that the contamination of inner distress and tension act to filter and distort all I am experiencing. The lack of skill in allowing that to enter Our space is shameful, for I would not wish anyone to have to suffer my distress. I could list the many thoughts I associate with this inner turmoil arising, but that would in some way undermine and deny the simple truth of balanced Being. It is for this reason I have decided to deeply clean the body with fasting, for my experience informs me that this is the most effective way of cleansing the mind. It has in the past, served me wonderfully in sharpening the mind and returning the spirit to the rhythms of nature. In my heart I hold non violence as a direct replacement for nearly every problem I have ever perceived. The quality of this penetrates even subtle thought, not just the gross forms of physical action most often associated with violence. I have such a long way to go to realizing my goal, my conditioning runs wide and deep. However in humble yet passionate moments, like in this space of self loving, I find bountiful energy wells up for such a task.

I have been reflecting on how this inner journey is of utmost importance in regards to my development. Interestingly, I have made decisions in the past year to consciously hide or refrain from expressing parts of this fundamental nature openly. The very parts most crucial and dear to me. My desire to serve others led me to the notion that the more accessible I could make myself to as many people as possible, the more I could serve. This relates directly to Panya, where I am very aware that some people may arrive having extended their boundaries massively in just getting here. I had a desire to make their experience beneficial, and minimize challenges, and acknowledge that some of my beliefs and ways of relating to experience are a very long way from mainstream ideology. So my initial loving intention became cloaked by fear, and has consequently degraded the most precious thing to me, with the uncomfortable results you have witnessed in my conduct. Reflecting from this place of inner peace I have much more trust that living with the intention of seeking and expressing truth could never render one liable for anothers suffering. It can only serve to liberate.

By taking care of my inner climate may I be able to proceed with the clarity necessary to achieve all I set out before me this year. By eliminating the habits I have allowed to accumulate in my time at Panya; eating dairy, eggs, sugar and even alcohol, I rid myself of the foundations of what physically prevents my connection with truth as I perceive it. I also plan to allow time for my daily sit. This, along with a conscious effort to communicate my experience fully with others provides a good framework for clear awareness.

I see the journey towards leadership is synonymous with inner growth. In this moment I am blessed with a clarity that illuminates all my contradictions and reactions arising from untruth. I see clearly the severe limitations of my expression of truth. Indeed the more I strive for this end the clearer my inadequacy becomes, and the further away the goal seems. Attainment becomes less the goal, and commitment to trying the inner victory. And herein lies all the strength I have, for deep acknowledgement of these weaknesses and a choice to act responsibly is a true expression of Love.

I am glad we have more time for this journey, it is such a necessary and valuable one. We shall have more space and time now the main work is done, of that I have no doubt. I thought I might like to share what has gone well for me in communications recently. A few things come to mind; Firstly, I am finding the underlying presupposed values inherent in Non violent communication to be congruent with my highest aspirations. In my heart I know I am living well short of my true potential. Tools like NVC have helped me bring the power of awareness in moment to moment life in a way that truly serves any interaction and facilitates great un- learning to take place. I have enjoyed interactions connecting around challenges and differences with people, often more so than at other times! It gives me great joy to move into a clearer understanding that if we can enter into communication free of judgement and distress, holding the intention to see, care and serve the other, we cannot fail to increase the wellbeing of all involved. Truthfully I feel my conditioning is so strong it shall require a very long and tireless effort to realize my goal, but I hold the inspiring energy of deepened trust in this way of relating. It is becoming clearer that it is entirely possible to love and serve all beings in any situation. My current understanding of the success of my communication includes the following aspects;

• How clearly I am identifying my core needs in a given situation
• How articulately I am expressing my feelings/ needs
• How skillfully I avoid bringing distress/ judgement into an interaction
• How truthfully I express myself
• How willing I am to commit to really listening to another
• How much I am trusting in the fundamental beauty of all beings
• How willing I am to commit to supporting and serving another

What I have found challenging in my communication lately is my own state of mind entering into interactions, mostly not abiding to one or more of the previously listed factors.

I carry some strong defensive reaction patterns that stem from an intense time of my life when they became essential. These no longer serve me, yet are woven throughout the fabric of my unconscious mind, which I feel as a heavy burden at times. This habit clearly and harshly interrupts any genuine connection. I am also laden with judgement, whose roots lie in a plethora of places, from school to home to friends and peers, yet mostly from wrongly identifying with thought and perceived reality. This no doubt is tangled with the previous distress.

In our recent meeting I listened openly to peoples comments and reflections, yet my experience was tinged with a slight feeling of forced willing. Two things arise from my reflection of that. Firstly, that if any force is involved, the root intention is no longer pure and thus my actions do not truly serve myself or others. This represents the subtle levels of violence in mind and spirit that must be cleansed to know Truth. When we first came together I genuinely felt such a spaciousness within myself to really offer my energy like that regardless of anothers intention toward me. Whilst in general it is not true that both parties need follow such a model to achieve their needs being met and a situation resolved, I think I do not have enough skill or energy to take on others distress, and some degree of genuine desire to support each other is a very good foundation to consciously discuss in any interaction containing significant distress.

The other challenge I have bestowed on myself recently is a hesitance to relate my experience of displeasure with people. My fear of causing tension actually creates it many times over! Obviously, even in the very wording of that sentence, fear becomes the foundation of that inevitably unsuccessful action or non- action. To bring up challenges with the intention to connect and deepen understanding is obviously based in loving care and no doubt leads to the desired outcome of a progressive and fulfilling relationship.

With this in mind I have some clear next steps, and am thankful for this experience which is already propelling me forward. My heart is joyful that we are on this tentative and beautiful journey together, witnessing the shared struggles and successes. Just in desiring to live more closely and harmoniously with each other and all of creation we are traversing much unknown territory. We encounter much suffering through the failings of our previous generations. It is a most pressing time for us as young people, poised to inherit stewardship of this earth, to begin rapidly addressing all that we are discontent with. It is a blessing for sure. I want to say again how grateful for this time I have had inwardly, the fruits of which I hope to share with you all.

Sharing inner feelings....

(Extracts from journals around relationship)

Michelles answers to questions

Do you feel able to share openly inner fears and doubts?
I feel that the biggest obstacle or inhibition as far as sharing openly is myself. When I fear the impact my truth may have on you, and subsequently the resulting behavior or response you may express; or if I reject what thoughts and feelings I am experiencing because I do not enjoy them being present in my being at all, I sometimes choose (maybe unconsciously at times) to leave unexpressed. I am finding it much more useful to express my truths when they are but stirrings in my mind, small and flimsy. Once they have grown into more solid, strong entities, they are coming out as judgements, harsh words, internal thoughts or feelings of being trapped or inhibited...as if you had something to do with my not expressing my heart. This is where my pattern of expressing doubt about being in the relationship probably stems from often. It may be the case that there are ways that we can make it easier for one another to express what is true with more ease, less fear, more safety, less 'prettying up'. That's probably why I sometimes revert to the language to which you have aversion...when I am finding it hard to say something, unsure how to say it, fearful of how it will be met. Which is unfortunate because those are the times when it is probably hardest for you to hear what I'm saying, and I am thus most often exposed to those very reactions in you which I fear. I enjoy the holding of all thoughts and feelings as lightly as they truly are, both in their expression and in their reception. I believe that using skillful speech in expressing them and then taking responsibility to support the other in holding/experiencing/expressing whatever reactions arise in response to the truth-teller's expression would be sweet.
• How does having an open honest sharing approach to a relationship effect your trust in your partner?
Very important...maybe essential. Open, honest sharing. I'm really interested in hearing what is arising for you probably more often than you are interested in sharing. Also interested in the personal freedom which comes from open honest sharing, which is not always possible/appropriate in other relationships with such regularity. Partnership also triggers more things which desire expression, as they can be quite painful, charged or difficult to hold alone at times. So I would probably say safety is what results for me, I imagine, having only had glimpses of this model in the past. Like most of my fellow humans, I have a desire for safety and security, though I am finding it is not looking like the modern mold of house, job, car, family, etc. I'm interested in safety and security founded on skills-practical survival skills, communication skills, personal practices which support well-being, and thus some kind of security in being able to manage whatever arises.
• Are you aware of any baggage you are bringing into this relationship?
Yes. 1. A fear of not being loved/desire to be loved by my partner in particular...rooted in old desire to be loved, probably mostly by my father as a child. Seeking approval, acceptance, validation, reassurance. I feel quite clear that the answer to this created hole is not to deny all of the former, but rather gentle, consistent reassurance is quite helpful. Once trust has been established, I feel more spacious for what arises within that love. 2. Stemming from the previous, fear of pushing my partner away. Sometimes leads to avoidance or disease for me when experiencing something (thought, feeling) which may seem unharmonious with my desire to be in a loving, commited relationship infused with compassion and non-judgement. 3. Personal feelings of heaviness, low self-worth...less frequently visiting at present. Other stuff, I know, but not coming to mind.
• Do you feel equipped with ways to bring yourself back into the light of your truth?
Sometimes. Sometimes, like earlier on in our relationship, I have gotten lost, usually due to not yet clarity. Like, everything feels like a big experiment and I'm learning along the way what I truly feel is right through trial and error. So, I sometimes flow with paths/choices (internal ways of relating and external ways of manifesting these) which feel easy even when uncertain whether they are ultimately 'right' and there is apparent conflict within due to this uncertainty, only to find that they are most certainly not serving well-being for anyone!!!! Yeah, like getting 'lost' in the relationship, losing myself. I feel now I may be over-protecting my self/personal path, but I think that is a good healthy rebound and important in finding the balance to being able to be in a relationship as a mutual visionary, CO-creater and partner. So, in answer to the question, I trust fully that I come back to truth time and again, though it may sometimes take even weeks or months to arrive there. More immediately, I feel comfortable sitting with what arises and giving space as a way to let the truth reveal itself in a more timely way. I just don't know yet what the truth is in all situations and all of the time. Learning
• Do you feel equipped with methods to deal with things that arise that interfere with a clear heart connection between each other?
I think this question may be best addressed AS a couple...like, do WE have clear methods which we are both willing to participate in consistently. Maybe not at any particular moment, but a general commitment to working towards connection and applying methods when time is available and comfortable for both parties. Attempts at expressing what is going on for me sometimes feel frustrated adn sometimes feel successful and connecting. I was reflecting, yesterday, how I really appreciated it when, on the occasions when you were busy and I asked you specifically to please take two minutes or so sitting with me so I could just be seen/emote, you have been willing to do so. That was hugely helpful in the absence of more time and maybe all that was necessary. I also believe that the more softly/less defensively and critically we see eachother, the more easy and likely it is that we will naturally see and be seen by one another, so further processing or formal methods will not be necessary except when these needs are not being met.
• Do you feel like the relationship promotes equality for you?
Because of some personal disposition I have to defer to others and want to contribute so much so that I end up discounting what feels important for me, equality can be a challenge with someone as strong-minded and articulate about opinions and ideas as yourself. THough, I imagine based on some of your feedback that you may not feel that I contribute as much as I believe I do. This actually encourages me in what I feel is the more right direction to not do for the sake of contribution what I don't truly feel inspired to do with a light, loving heart, as it may not be noticed/appreciated as contribution anyhow!! Or, rather, maybe it means not doing what I THINK will be helpful and rather contributing in ways that clearly and explicitly add to your sense of well-being. At other times, I have really enjoyed that I have overcome personal blocks to do what you are requesting of me so as to support you in a way that is relevant and meaningful to you, obviously (ie the night you asked me to get the headlamp and stick from my house when you were too tired to do so). Ha. Other times, my desire for equailty manifests as a stubbornness as exemplified by the who's going to drive conflict. Just wanting equality. I like the way it has worked since we spoke and I feel much more comfortable requesting rather than demanding! So, I wouldn't say the relationship 'promotes' equality, but I don't feel that it is not present. In other ways, I do feel that the relationship feels quite balanced in terms of our individual inspiration, commitment to wellness, aspirations...actually, at times I perceive your zeal and zest for many different things to far surpass my own, (what I perceive as) more simple aspirations...though I am currently undergoing a bit of a shift in this regard, feeling more compelled and excited to learn and involve myself in more particular things...a new passion and feeling of excitement about life, purpose, and doing stuff. I feel grateful for being one of the catalysts, impressing upon my your love for life and, with it, and abandoning of the older heavy, more asleep or filled with uselessness/futility way of existing and relating to myself and my role in the world.
• Is this relationship sustainable?
! Shit yeah. Challenging, sure. Fun, passionate, playful, loving, challenging, encouraging self-discovery and growth. Sustainable if we make space when necessary...maybe airing on the side of caution in this regard. And just reminding one another time and again of our love when it feels overflowing and abundant and our mutual, shared desire for continual movement towards dynamic truth, which I would also call harmony, even when love does not feel so near. De-blocking. Not tranquility or evenness, per say, but an honoring of the dynamic, authentic movement of nature within and between us and the world all around us. I guess I have a basic belief that any relationship has the potential to be sustainable. I think we are an interesting combo because of the closeness of what is true in our hearts coupled with what might be described as personality/energy conflicts. I am happy to expand the range of what is comfortable for me (usually? sometimes? ha) and also trust we may serve each other in balancing out the energies we naturally have come to rest in through our respective experiences and natural dispositions which sometimes seem to be in conflict. So, I guess theoretically, really exciting and very sustainable, if we stay true to our deepest wishes for ourselves. REALLY amazing potential. And, perhaps not sustainable if we get lost in or don't create enough space for our individual, personal needs in terms of self-expression and exploration within the context/framework of our loving couplehood!
Richards answers to questions
• How has consciously working to journal/ document/ use models effected the way you relate to this relationship?
I feel a lot more clarity in regards to where I stand in relation to different matters when I actually try to articulate them clearly and concisely, as opposed to assuming certain things or taking things for granted. Journalling helps with reflection and identifying patterns, although this feels more relevent over thelong term. One thing that has arisen lately is the stubborn defensive pattern I have sometimes in light of Michelles truth. I relate to it like a fearful shadow being blinded by light. There is definately childish reactions happening there, some kind of strange self worth or acknowledgement distress wrapped up in that reactiveness. Using NVC has taught me a lot, in fact, I find I actually really enjoy the connection that can take place around challenges and differences. In some ways it is the most fulfilling and connecting thing, realisingf we are all one, essentialy. Co- counselling would be a really useful thing for any couple as far as I can see, and I hope to really integrate that into our relationship. I personally have a lot of distress around relationships in the past. Documenting and journalling is really effective as it helps me get really clear about how I feel and what needs are not being met, thus giving a direction for requests or resolve. This really supports clear and non stimulating communication. I see from my journalling how successful interactions have been when the distress is released before talking about something. For me this supports the notion of not identifying with thought, rather observing and responding. Michelles daily check in model, What have you done to support me today? What have I not been able to tell you today? feels great. It woud really powerfully serve any relationship. I hope to uphold that as a practice to support all aspects of the relationship, but I particularly like the idea of supporting each others moment to moment awareness, which I think a daily practice ultimately aims at.
• Do you feel able to share openly inner fears and doubts?
Yes, although at times when I feel blocked inside I may not have the clarity to see a situation clearly. I respond particularly well when I feel there is space and no pressure of judgement. Tis idea of shared engagement to a process with less weight on a particular outcome. That makes me feel safe and free to really be honest. I believe there is potential to be totally clear and honest despite certain things arising that may be really difficult for a parner to embrace or hear. I feel like if the intention is set to really delve deep and share all processes with the understanding that we love each other and want to be together this is ultimately the best way forward. If we keep reminding each other in clear ways of that then there is this potential for really deep exploration/ growth/ insight and healing. As I write I feel like some part of me still relates to love and relationships in a romantic bliss like kind of poetic way. I still hve some notion that we shouldnt have too work at holding this love. Another part of me feels like relationship shall always take effort and work, and the more conscious that process is the better for both parties! I think this is where the truth lies for me as a partnership deals with two unrealised complex beings moving and growing at different ways in different directions.
• How does having an open honest sharing approach to a relationship effect your trust in your partner?
I find this interesting as I uphold the values of honesty, clarity and space for anything genuine or true. I have, in moments of awareness, an absolute clarity that as we move and respond to things day to day, all manner of experiences unfold, thus it makes perfect sense to share even that that is stimulating and challanging. In the light of truth this is obviously a good way forward. I think I harbour fear of hearing everything that is going on for Michelle, the reason being somewhere I understand it is natural to have doubts, other attractions; rising and falling I guess. To deny that seems untruthful and dangerous. I see now that I have tried to rest in the delusion that a relationship can be totally secure and contained, which leads to a slower responsiveness and ultimately more suffering. Whilst deep sharing could feel confusing and unstable at times, I believe that it leads to much deeper union.
• Are you aware of any baggage you are bringing into this relationship?
Yes, some. Im also aware there is probably plenty more in there! I shall add a couple of things that have arisen strongly recently. Firstly, reflecting to Mischa this morning, I feel some sense of guilt or lack of validity talking about love for michelle, because of pain I have caused previous partners in the last couple of years. Some distress exists around my self worth there. I also have conditioning around self sustainability, defense mechanisms that I dont need anymore. I also have more generalised baggage. Defensiveness and judgement being a couple of things that come to mind.
• Do you feel equipped with ways to bring yourself back into the light of your truth?
I feel co counseling is definately really useful, though I cannot easily connect with a group here in Thailand, I have found ways to integrate it into day to day situations. I am aware that meditation is really important as well as diet and relationship to my body through that. I have good experience with these tools, and so long as I give myself space to practice regularly I can hold my center. I am really interested in using NVC more and having some more formal training in that way of relating. It is a very useful way of maintaining awareness moment to moment that supports all my other practices. Michelle you have really inspired me inn that way.
• Do you feel equipped with methods to deal with things that arise
that interfere with a clear heart connection between each other?
I feel great about the little daily check in you have put forward, it feels great. I think NVC and co counselling can really be amazing tools for us. I had a feeling just now torequest we both study the technique were less clear with and see how that works for us. Wow, I love you a lot!
• Do you feel like the relationship promotes equality for you?
Yes, this is something I feel really great about. Im really happy. I have experienced Richardcentric parts of relationships and they feel horrible! I guess I have had clear and strong dreams and felt like previous partners have gone along with them for whatever reason, and I have been unskillful in this regard at times. I feel really positive about the way we relate and how open and equal it feels.
• Is this relationship sustainable?!
I think its difficult to say whilst we are apart and unclear of our directions, but underneath that I feel yes, definately. We possess some great skills and insight necessary to really support the love that exists between us and have enough moments of clarity to reconnect and reevaluate when neccessary. I feel really happy to say that, the romantic long term relationship vision inside me is comfortably deluded with the scope of long- lasting joy!

Videos of the Design work behind the Food Forest I am managing at Panya ;

A video of collaborative learning!

A video of collaborative Action learning;

Here are my Action Learning Guild notes;

Four <questions<Richard Perkins

On Holiday, given respite and enjoying the support of community to chill and clense.ç
body .feel well and mind is clear. loving the journey
seeing the opprotunities and ways through. stoked on community and crew status at home.
world cafe format is working and managment tools <richard introduced have been effective which is brilliant and happy to see.
natural building was a success and really pleased with result.
relationship redesign proved gladdening and enriching.
Challenges:
Fasting is a wild and arduous experience.
accepting and handling leadership is a hard process and needing co cousiling when it is not as available as i would hope.
communication
-- missing elders and seasoned leaders on site because of the sureaty and presense of elders adding continuity and guidence.
challenged to overcome self fear & sacrifice around spirit and relating with circumstance.
guild continuity and show upness is frustrating and a little difficult because of missing people
Goal and Visions:
A possible journey home to the UK
paleolithic diet and various ways of traveling in a good way
give time and attention to relationship and bringing relating to a higher level of priority.
possible indonesian sojurn.
Next Steps
Pool output areas.
write output onto gel directly
rest, massage and hot springs
returning energy to body and looking after body and optimize his holiday

Andrews Time (4 mins each question)

Whats going well for you at the moment?
Blown away by PDC! Incredibly inspired and energised. Have site at home, new eyes to see things through. Lit up with potential for change. New friends. PDC opening up vast doors, great group energy. Marin Carbon project, Yeomans plan and compost tea to sink C into soil, looking at soil health and pulling C out of atmosphere. Extremely exciting.
Super excited about life and chance to use these things.....
Whats challanging for you at the moment?
No notes for GU yet, no clear ideas for how next OP is going to go, bit frustrating. Hurt toe this morning, bit frustrating. Challanging game trying to identifyowls by calls ( on site of PDC). With PDC, constantly challenges, seeing disparity between where I am and where my highest ideals lie... Taking on a lot at once, daunting. Money challenges, totally broke. No job as soon as I leave PDC. Worked for years to pay for education, now have very little cash.
How to find a living doing some of these things.... Feeling a little trepidation, hit the ground running...
What are my current long term goals?
Mastering permaculture ideas, watershed healing projects around. Carbon sequestering projects. Help tip these simple graceful ideas out into the bigger picture. Use my music to set up situations for dissemination of this information, C sequestering, watershed healing, whilst being financially viable. Thinking of staying in the bay for the long term, how will I realise that. Feel sure about stepping up and doing these things, bringing me hope and clarity that I havent had before. Excited to be part of the tipping point.
Next acheivable steps?
Finish PDC, get back to parents house and rip up the lawn! Get some energy cycling happening. Research more about natural building and forest ecology and soil science and aquaculture. Contact friend about academic soil science stuff. Get worm castings into beds and get cover crops and brassicas in for winter. Instantly bring soil back to life in zone 1.
Get straight on with nature awareness program, again at RDI. Full on schedule of late!

Here are my PDA meeting notes;

Process Advising Session

Associate: Richard Perkins

Process Advisor: Dave Shaw

Date: Sept 26, 2009

Began at 8:05pm

(5 min) Check in, set agenda

Agenda:

() : Output 1

(8:31pm) : Future outputs and projects

— CV is now up there

— Another little section on key places, people, resources used in the output, and another separate section on background resources. And compile them at the end (learning review) for a comprehensive resources section. Use tagging for linking to specific outputs and themes (for example a tag could be ‘output 2’ ‘leadership’ ‘travel’)

— Next step: Download delicious and install it.

— On adding more text and stories

— Next step: Write an addendum to the CR report, with anything you want to add.

— Next step: Upload .doc and .xls review files.

— Output 2

 Report on 3 projects

｡ Natural building

｡ Michelle

｡ Managing the community at Panya

 Feeling really good about it. Feeling really competent using the computer.

— Start outputs 3,4,5 simultaneously

 Photojournalist/anthropologist friend James wants to meet in Indo-Malaysia to work with sea gypsies. Born at sea, die at sea. They say the oceans are dead. We want to deliver their message to the world. Many outcomes for this project. Documentary. Images. Would start in Dec.

 Starting all 3 at once because lots of them are longer term and bigger projects. The sea gypsy one wouldn’t start till Dec, but I can start on that one now. They all have research.

 Next OP I want to start is on collaborative book writing. See if people in PC can get together a book on PC design of relationships. That could effectively be fairly quick, a 40-50 page book.

｡ Ben Griffin. Ethan Roland. Connor Stedman.

 An output on Codex. Globalization of food.

｡ Resources

 International Forum on Globalization

 Manifestos on the Future of Food and Seed ed. Vandana Shiva

 Alternatives to Economic Globalization ed. Jerry Mander

 Shaping Globalization, by Nicanor Perlas

 a sample CR resources section - http://gel.gaiauniversity.org/mod/resource/view.php?id=4368

 a sample output on relationships - http://gel.gaiauniversity.org/course/view.php?id=239#section-4

 another sample book - http://gel.gaiauniversity.org/mod/book/view.php?id=7666

— Projects: Teaching at Uni, leverage and responsibility. Could be a model for the whole country. Farm-to-institution. Lesson plans? On agriculture? On Permaculture?

— Next step: Rapid prototype all of them

— Go for 2^{nd year masters word count}

— After O3 will send a letter to Andrew and Liora

— Next step: Reminder email to Kirsten on finances and Andrew on taxes and SA

— How to get us talking more frequently? It’s been a month since we missed our last meeting. Yikes! Let’s not let this be a pattern.

(9:17) : MSc Program

() : Our communication

Next PA Session SAT 8PM PST / SUN 10AM THAI TIME

Adjourned at 10:00pm

— Arrive at the session. What do you want to do in the next hour?

 Output 1

 Outputs

 MSc program

 Ideas coming up, project ideas

 Our pattern

 What’s going on with Dave

— Structure output together, components (project spec, resource review, etc.)

— Local adviser/mentor

— Capstone year budget

Some Basic Premises of Non- Violent Communication

Introduction
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has been described as a language of compassion, as a tool for positive
social change, and as a spiritual practice. NVC gives us the tools and consciousness to understand what
triggers us, to take responsibility for our reactions, and to deepen our connection with ourselves and
others, thereby transforming our habitual responses to life. Ultimately, it involves a radical change in
how we think about life and meaning. NVC is based on a fundamental principle:
Underlying all human actions are needs that people are seeking to meet, and understanding and
acknowledging these needs can create a shared basis for connection, cooperation, and more globally –
peace.
Understanding each other at the level of our needs creates such connection because, at this deeper
human level, the similarities between us outweigh the differences, giving rise to greater compassion.
When we focus on needs, without interpreting or conveying criticism, blame, or demands, our deeper
creativity flourishes, and solutions arise that were previously blocked from our awareness. At this
depth, conflicts and misunderstandings can be resolved with greater ease.
Learning NVC is a process similar to learning a new language or skill: step-by-step learning coupled with
ample time for practice lead to growing mastery. While it takes time to develop fluency, any knowledge
of a new language makes it more likely that communication can take place. In addition, because NVC
invites us to a level of vulnerability and caring that often are not familiar or habitual, full integration
of the consciousness underlying this language is likely to require changes in our internal connection to
ourselves, and healing of past pain.
The language of NVC includes two parts: honestly expressing ourselves to others, and empathically
hearing others. Both are expressed through four components - observations, feelings, needs, and
requests – though empathic connection fundamentally relies on connection at the level of feelings and
needs, hence observations and requests may or may not be articulated. Practicing NVC involves
distinguishing these components from judgments, interpretations, and demands, and learning to
embody the consciousness embedded in these components in order to express ourselves and hear
ourselves and others in ways more likely to foster understanding and connection, to support everyone
involved in getting their needs met, and to nurture in all of us a joy in giving and in receiving. The
practice also includes empathic connection with ourselves - “self-empathy.” The purpose of self-
empathy is to support us in maintaining connection with our own needs, choosing our actions and
responses based on self-connection and self-acceptance.
NVC was developed by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, who has introduced it to individuals and organizations
world-wide. NVC has been used between warring tribes and in war-torn countries; in schools, prisons,
and corporations; in health care, social change, and government institutions; and in intimate personal
relationships. Currently, over 200 hundred certified trainers and many more non-certified trainers
around the world are sharing NVC in their communities.
©2006 Inbal Kashtan and Miki Kashtan, BayNVC, miki@baynvc.org, www.baynvc.org Page 1
Please contact us if you would like to share with others. If we agree, please include copyright and contact information

The Components of NVC
1. Observations
Observations are what we see or hear that we identify as the stimulus to our reactions. Our aim is to
describe what we are reacting to concretely, specifically and neutrally, much as a video camera might
capture the moment. This helps create a shared reality with the other person. The observation gives
the context for our expression of feelings and needs, and may not even be needed of both people are
clear about the context.
The key to making an observation is to separate our own judgments, evaluations or interpretations
from our description of what happened. For example, if we say: “You’re rude,” the other person may
disagree, while if we say: “When you walked in you did not say hello to me,” the other person is more
likely to recognize the moment that is described.
When we are able to describe what we see or hear in observation language without mixing in evaluation,
we raise the likelihood that the person listening to us will hear this first step without immediately
wanting to respond and will be more willing to hear our feelings and needs.
Learning to translate judgments and interpretations into observation language moves us away from
right/wrong thinking and helps us take responsibility for our reactions by directing our attention to
our needs as the source of our feelings rather than to the other person. In this way, observations –
paving the way towards greater connection with ourselves and with others – emerge as a crucial
building block towards a profound consciousness shift.
2. Feelings
Feelings represent our emotional experience and physical sensations associated with our needs that
have been met or that remain unmet (see below). Our aim is to identify, name and connect with those
feelings.
The key to identifying and expressing feelings is to focus on words that describe our inner experience
rather than words that describe our interpretations of people’s actions. For example: “I feel lonely”
describes an inner experience, while “I feel like you don’t love me” describes an interpretation of how
the other person may be feeling.
When we express our feelings, we continue the process of taking responsibility for our experience,
which helps others hear what's important to us with less likelihood of hearing criticism or blame of
themselves. This increases the likelihood that they will respond in a way that meets both our needs.
The list of feelings in this handout (p. 10) is neither exhaustive nor definitive; it is offered as a
resource for exploration and discovery of the richness of our emotional life.
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3. Needs
Our needs are an expression of our deepest shared humanity. All human beings share key needs for
survival: hydration, nourishment, rest, shelter, and connection to name a few. We also share many
other needs, though we may experience them to varying degrees and may experience them more or less
intensely at various times.
In the context of NVC, needs refer to what is most alive in us: our core values and deepest human
longings. Understanding, naming, and connecting with our needs helps us improve our relationship with
ourselves, as well as foster understanding with others, so we are all more likely to take actions that
meet everyone’s needs.
The key to identifying, expressing, and connecting with needs is to focus on words that describe
shared human experience rather than words that describe the particular strategies to meet those
needs. Whenever we include a person, a location, an action, a time, or an object in our expression of
what we want, we are describing a strategy rather than a need. For example: “I want you to come to my
birthday party” may be a particular strategy to meet a need for love and connection. In this case, we
have a person, an action, and an implied time and location in the original statement. The internal shift
from focusing on a specific strategy to connecting with needs often results in a sense of power and
liberation, as we can free ourselves from being attached to one particular strategy by identifying the
underlying needs and exploring alternative strategies.
Feelings arise when our needs are met or not met, which happens at every moment of life. Our feelings
are related to the trigger, but they are not caused by the trigger: their source is our own met or
unmet needs. By connecting our feelings with our needs, therefore, we take full responsibility for our
feelings, freeing us and others from fault and blame. And by expressing our unique experience in the
moment of a shared human reality of needs, we create the most likely opportunity for another person
to see our humanity and to experience empathy and understanding for us.
The list of needs in this handout (p. 12) is by no means exhaustive or definitive. It is offered as a
resource for identifying and experiencing your own needs and guessing others’ needs. The needs on
this list appear in their most abstract, general and universal form. Each person can find inside herself
or himself the specific nuance and flavor of these broader categories, which will describe more fully
her or his experience.
4. Requests
In order to meet our needs, we make requests to assess how likely we are to get cooperation for
particular strategies we have in mind for meeting our needs. Our aim is to identify and express a
specific action that we believe will serve this purpose, and then check with others involved about their
willingness to participate in meeting our needs in this way. In a given moment, it is our connection with
another that determines the quality of their response to our request. Therefore often our requests in
the moment are "connection requests," intended to foster connection and understanding and to
determine whether we have sufficiently connected to move to a "solution request." An example of a
connection request might be: "Would you tell me how you feel about this?" An example of a solution
request might be "Would you be willing to take your shoes off when you come in the house?"
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The spirit of requests relies on our willingness to hear a “no” and to continue to work with ourselves or
others to find ways to meet everyone’s needs. Whether we are ma king a request or a demand is often
evident by our response when our request is denied. A denied demand will lead to punitive
consequences; a denied request most often will lead to further dialogue. We recognize that “no” is an
expression of some need that is preventing the other person from saying “yes”. If we trust that
through dialogue we can find strategies to meet both of our needs, “no” is simply information to alert
us that saying yes to our request may be too costly in terms of the other person’s needs. We can then
continue to seek connection and understanding to allow additional strategies to arise that will work to
meet more needs.
To increase the likelihood that our requests would be understood, we attempt to use language that is
as concrete and doable as possible, and that is truly a request rather than a demand. For example, “I
would like you to always come on time” is unlikely to be doable, while “Would you be willing to spend 15
minutes with me talking about what may help you arrive at 9 am to our meetings?” is concrete and
doable. While a person may assent to the former expression (“Yes, I’ll always come on time”), our
deeper needs – for connection, confidence, trust, responsibility, respect, or others - are likely to
remain unmet.
If someone agrees to our request out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, or the desire for reward, this
compromises the quality of connection and trust between us. When we are able to express a clear
request, we raise the likelihood that the person listening to us will experience choice in their response.
As a consequence, while we may not gain immediate assent to our wishes, we are more likely to get our
needs met over time because we are building trust that everyone’s needs matter. Within an
atmosphere of such trust, goodwill increases, and with it a willingness to support each other in getting
our needs met.
Learning to make clear requests and shifting our consciousness to making requests in place of demands
are very challenging skills for most people. People often find the request part to be the hardest,
because of what we call a “crisis of imagination”: a difficulty in identifying a strategy that could
actually meet our needs without being at the expense of other needs. Even before considering the
needs of others, the very act of coming up with what we call a positive, doable request is challenging.
We are habituated to thinking in terms of what we want people to stop doing (“don’t yell at me”), and
how we want them to be (“treat me with respect”) rather than wha t we want them to do (“Would you
be willing to lower your voice or talk later?”). With time, and a deeper connection to our needs, our
creativity expands to imagine and embrace more strategies.
This fourth step is critical to our ability to create the life we want. In particular, shifting from
demands to requests entails a leap in focus and in faith: we shi